Perfecting the subtext.

The older I get, the more I realise just how ridiculous girls can be.  Spending the weekend with my sisters, one who has just turned 14, the other almost 18, I was reminded of the high school politics that dominate our social lives for the better part of year seven through 12. Over the weekend, as I drove my youngest sister and her band of friends around, I was invited to step into the world of the “tween” and observe their truly bizarre social rituals. Listening to their banter about boyfriends, other girls in their year, the teachers they hate the most and what’s hot at Glassons this winter, I started to silently criticise before realising that on many levels, my own friends and I have not evolved very far beyond this dynamic.  The topics might have progressed beyond “Omfg you have a crush on him!” to “Well have you slept together?”, but the heart of our conversations are essentially the same. My realisation was only heightened later that night as I sat on the phone to my friend carefully brainstorming a polite let down response to a boy who had asked her out.  His text, which was painfully casual, was the result of a typical crush developed during group hangouts that had eventuated into the inevitable offer to buy her dinner. Despite this gentleman being an absolute catch (seriously he can ask ME out whenever he’s ready) he is just not my friends type and thus we were left to carefully craft a polite, subtle way to spell “no”.  

So, here I was, having a little giggle to myself at how simply ridiculous some of the conversations my sisters friends were having, while MY friend and I, two grown women are drafting and re drafting a message that realistically only had to say “thanks but no thanks x”.  It is interesting that in a world where the exchange of information has become so instantaneous through imessage, viber, snapchat, instagram, Facebook, Facebook messenger and whatever other social media tool you can dream up (dare I say it, Tindr) this message had to be crafted so not to offend the receiver whilst completely shutting down his request. Its not easy stuff people! Ironically, it is probably our human behaviours that get us into these sticky situations. It is natural to respond positively to a little extra attention, however, clearly the ego boost is rarely worth the consequences! People enjoy sending let down texts just as much as people enjoy receiving them. So true to our ridiculousness, which seems to have been at work since a young age, we managed to draft a script that effectively turned the offer down without so much as an utterance of the word no. Hopefully, this poor bugger can decipher female subtext or we’ll be right back where we started in one week’s time.

Happy Friday readers, have a wonderful weekend.

Xo

Farewell Paris, Farewell Patrick.

Although I am a little late to address the news, I am just one of the many women across Australia mourning the death of Dr. Patrick Reid. Having fallen behind on Offspring during my travels, I dedicated my down time in Paris to catching up with all my favourite people. So much had happened to Billie, Nina, Jimmy and the crew in my absence! Sadly for me, I already knew the ill fate of Patrick thanks to bouts of emotional Facebook friends revealing the tragedy through various status updates and Instagram posts (not happy Jan).  Watching the final few episodes knowing I would have to say goodbye to Nina’s baby daddy was truly agonizing, and I am a little ashamed to admit I spent my final night in Europe sobbing over the death of a fictional character. Why did they have to kill him off? And in such a heart wrenching fashion? Honestly Channel 10 it was just awful. It got to the point where I wasn’t sure whether my distress was caused by Patricks death, or because my two month trip around Europe was drawing to a close.

My answer came on the flight home the next day. Settling into my cramped window seat, I flicked through the In-flight entertainment guide to see what Maylasia Airlines had to offer.  Funnily enough, the Asian Film category had plenty of options, while the “Old Favourites and New Releases” were neither favourites or that new. Fortunately an old faithful appeared and I watched the SATC movie for perhaps the 8^th time. With Paris and Patrick still on the mind it was confirmed that it was my tendency to become ridiculously attached to television characters that was causing me to be so sullen. Paris would be there next year, Patrick was gone forever. This notion got me thinking that it is pretty incredible how attached we can become to fictional characters. Somehow, they do not only entertain, but they manage to captivate us with their fake names, fake lives, fake loves and most significantly their fake losses (need I remind everyone about the death of Mel in season 3 of Packed to The Rafters…). As mentioned, I have seen the first Sex and The City movie almost a dozen times and I STILL got emotional watching Carrie accost Mr. Big in the street after he leaves her at the alter (so to speak). The sheer heartbreak of her standing there in her Vivienne Westwood screaming how humiliated she is, is always enough to reduce me to tears. But why? When we know it’s just a script, played out by people who we somehow feel are a part of our lives. Take Carrie and Nina Proudman for example. I know I am not alone when I say it is easy to feel as though we know these characters as our friends or even as our sisters! Perhaps in a way we do, and it’s the literary genius of the likes of Deborah Oswald that manage to integrate aspects of our friends and families into the characters of their shows, just enough to make us fall in love.

On a happier note, rumour would have it that Patrick (aka. Matthew Le Nevez) is off to Hollywood, so at least we will get to see his pretty face again. However I doubt that he will ever have the chance to play a role as charming, loveable and mysterious as the amazing Dr. Patrick Reid. May he rest in T.V. peace.

Xo. 

Be careful what you wish for.

Just recently I have come to fully understand the term "emotionally slutty". Revealing too much too soon is not only a trick for young players, but it would seem, that it is extremely off putting. Before you make any assumptions, please note that the emotional slut in question is actually male, and I am the one looking for an escape route - pronto. My latest fling began as usual, a kiss, flirty banter, a few late nights chatting, but quickly progressed at a speed that would shock even the most romantically inclined individuals. Somehow, I landed a guy that took everything a girl thinks they want to hear, and shoved it into one completely overwhelming conversation. After hastily hanging up the phone, cutting off the last of his “I miss you's” with a definitive click of a button, I immediately had to call my best friend to unload the emotional baggage that had been dumped on my personal carousel. Forget hand luggage, this guy packed for a year abroad and was ready to settle in for the long haul. Did I mention we’ve known each other for a weekend?

This has left me wondering, what happened to that happy medium? The cute guy that plays hard to get but is secretly really into you. An autopsy of my recent love life reveals a string of extremes. Absolute dick heads, and loved up obsessive types. When did it become okay to drunk dial and word vomit your inner most feelings into the receiver? Here is a hint: Do not reveal the end of a film during the opening credits. It simply disappoints audiences and leaves you with little incentive to watch this space. And yet, I can’t help but think this is some sort of emotional karma for sitting here wondering why guys my age are too arrogant to say how they feel. Suddenly, the saying be careful what you wish for is ringing in my ears.

Considering I have many friends, my self included who have fallen victim to alcohol and confessed their true feelings to an unprepared fling, should I be so quick to judge? Prior to this, I was excited by the prospect of having this boy in my life. He’s cute, in a dorky way, incredibly charming and most of all hilarious – and yet now that the mystery is gone, I’m ready to jump well and truly back on the single lady train, which, lets be honest, I never really disembarked in the first place. Fortunately for him, my best friend has convinced me not to write him off, but instead to wait and see what a little bit of sobriety brings to the picture. And fortunately for me, this train is en route express to sunny Europe where the trivial issues of the single girl will be a mere blip on my sun tanned radar. 

In the real world.

Occasionally we meet people who make us smile days after our first encounter. Even more occasionally, you will find your self wishing you could see them again, or re live the time you had together, no matter how trivial, because it simply made you happy. The funniest way about feeling like this is that sometimes, you never expect it. Every girl has a type, whether they know it or not. If you ask your friends, they will easily be able to speculate as to which type of guy you make a dive for when you’re out, or who you gravitate towards in social settings. My type thus far has proven incredibly predictable, but since they’re my “type”, and seemingly engrained in my DNA, I haven’t been able to stray too far. And yet, just recently I met someone who at first didn’t even catch my eye, and now I’m sitting here wondering why I cant get them out of my head. Luckily the man in question is geographically out of reach, a factor that probably quadruples his appeal because girls are fun like that… complicating everything seems to be our hobby.

The real question is what is it about him that has my head spinning? One night talking, and an almost kiss should hardly be enough to have me sitting here unable to focus on my assignments impending due date. Realistically, he is probably just another reason for my mind to avoid uni, like television or snacking, but what if he isn’t merely a distraction but someone I will still be thinking about months down the road? It is times like this I am endlessly grateful for my upcoming departure from reality (Europe). These kinds of thoughts are, at the end of the day, super inconvenient for someone who has a million things to do and can’t even consider giving a boy the time of day, let alone space in her busy mind! My best friend – god love her - truly believes she is doomed to remain single for the rest of her life, and despite being happy now she has speculated the idea that perhaps that’s a concept worth getting used to (however for the record, I think she’s far to beautiful inside and out to think she’ll wind up without a trail of men chasing her). So when I tell her I can’t stop thinking about a boy I am surprised by her excitement. This is after all how it always begins, and eventually whether it’s days, weeks or months later, the sparks burn out and once again its just us, a routine I have grown simultaneously used to and fond of, as it’s a cycle that’s been in full swing for the last six years.

In the movies, relationships seem to magically evolve from these one-night encounters. The Hollywood born characters we get lost in are fortunate enough to skip all the messy “in between” time that essentially build the foundations of a real relationship. In any budding romance there is ALWAYS that awkward time period where you have to ask uncomfortable questions like “Are you seeing any one else?” “Are we exclusive?” (What ever that means!?) and my least favorite “what does this all mean?” All of this, while keeping your distance and not wanting to seem too keen! It’s a complicated formula, mastered only by few. If life was in fact to follow the framework of a Hollywood RomCom, I would find myself in a very happy relationship following last weeks encounter. Fortunately for the sake of both myself and mystery man this is not the case and we, like the rest of the real world, will have no choice but to venture through messy in between territory. It is after all half the fun.

Xo

One mans trash...

Last night my auntie and I decided to try our luck raiding the roadside for vintage goodies in the local hard rubbish collection. Before you go screwing up your noses at the idea of rummaging through trash, consider the idea that ones man trash is another mans treasure… or in this case, womans. After scouting the streets for over an hour, picking up an amazing retro suitcase, and grey leather chair, we stumbled across the holy grail of road side junk. The item in question was a stunning brown leather couch, with matching arm chair, the kind you see in the window of vintage stores with a quadruple digit price tag. Minus the single rip on one of the arms and a little wear and tear on the cushions, this beauty was in mint condition and once I saw it I simply had to have it. I literally cannot express to you how amazing this lounge set is, I was skeptical someone had chosen to discard it and kept waiting for the owners to say WAIT! I actually can’t bear to give it up.

This is how I came to ponder the idea that what is deemed completely useless by one person can steal another’s heart. Once the couch and arm-chair were nestled safely in my lounge room (thanks to lots of heavy lifting, grunting, shoving and near breakage of a door frame) I started to consider this concept in the broader sense. Before I go off on a tangent, I realise most of my posts so far have been centered around relationship drama. Perhaps this is because many of my daily conversations with girlfriends and guy friends alike prove this topic to be verrrry popular, or maybe its just because I watch far to much Sex And The City, and think that if I continue to write about relationships, I can trade in my Ugg boots for Manolo Blahniks and start living the glamorous life of Carrie Bradshaw. However, I realised that just as the concept of trash and treasure applies to our physical belongings, so too can it apply to our relationships. Your dream man / woman is someone else’s nightmare. Just as I fell in love with the leather couch, someone else hated it so much, they decided to leave it on the street to be collected and disposed of.

Realistically, if you are dating or kissing anyone in their twenties, they are very likely to have a romantic past. As a side note this is not a bad thing! If no one has bothered with them until now, you should probably consider the notion that they are quite possibly a complete weirdo. However, the fact is, that prior to you picking them up, dusting them off and welcoming them into your life, they might have been discarded like an unwanted piece of "junk" by previous love interests. This begs the question, how is it that what is so detested, or simply deemed uninteresting by some people can be the key to happiness in others? The bright side of this is that there is hope for us all. That ex-boyfriend you dumped because he was a stage five clinger? He is going to make a needy girl very happy one day. And your ex-boyfriend that dumped you because he didn’t really get your sense of humour? Some guy is thanking his lucky stars because now he’ll get to laugh at your jokes forever. The more I think about it, the idea of trash and treasure is more romantic than I had ever considered. Who would have thought!

Xo. 

TGIF

Lets celebrate Friday with a little bit of TGIF xo

The inverted relationship triangle

I've recently noticed that the dating rituals of twenty year olds could not be further in representing chivalry, or any kind of traditional romance. If you are expecting to be swept off your feet by a man who wants to take you to dinner, buy you flowers and then politely walk you home and end the evening with a goodnight kiss, wakeup! You are dreaming. Although it’s a lovely dream (not my style, but lovely all the same) it would seem that the dating customs exercised by people in their 20’s are somewhat less charming and centered around the key concept of remaining “casual”.

What you can expect however, is a string of flirtatious Facebook interaction, or texts, that lead to an informal group hangout fuelled by alcohol and music just loud enough that you can’t get stuck having an actual conversation.  This ritual is part of what I have named the inverted relationship triangle, a framework that flips tradition on its head and means it is common for romance to eventuate from “hooking up” at a party rather than the other way around. This fits perfectly into the causal category and means no one is caught out thinking they’ve entered into some sort of romantic obligation.

Although this might sound cynical, I am not complaining.  As a girl who is content in her singledom, many of my friends and I are happily engaged in these pseudo relationships, which keep us on our toes without all the drama. However, it has recently occurred to me that there is a fine line between what constitutes casual versus commitment, and it has left me wondering, when and where do things leave the realm of fun and become serious?  As someone who has just booked flights to Paris – Insert Happy Dance – I don’t plan on finding out what it takes to turn a fling into something more, so I will have to rely on my wonderful friends to answer my questions. However my current thoughts are, if your enjoying your freedom while simultaneously having someone to cuddle once and a while, embrace it, it’s a pretty good deal.

Xo

P.s. As it’s incredibly windy today, I hope all you skirt wearers have chosen cute undies.