Good morning readers!

If my bed looked like this I would never leave. Happy Tuesday Xo

Princes and Frogs

Two years ago I met a guy who to me was utterly intriguing. In high school, I dated a boy who worshipped me and fulfilled most 16 year olds fantasies of being treated like a princess. However the constant attention soon grew boring and I moved on with my life and into adulthood without so much a glance backwards at my prince. This guy however was a complete enigma, so cool and careless, yet simultaneously clumsy and at times awkward. Two years my senior, his popularity within our friendship circle drew me in even more and before I knew it I was like a moth flitting towards a bright light, half aware I was going to get zapped but so ridiculously attracted I didn’t care. Our relationship soon blossomed into a series of secretive nights spent, talking into the unhealthy hours of the morning. Sleep deprived, we would walk like zombies through campus offering each other shy smiles when we thought no one was watching, the excitement of our secret sleepovers causing my stomach to churn. Unlike my high school prince, this boy liked to challenge me. Often, he would ignore me for days only to turn up at 1am with strawberries and Nutella and insist we spend the next two hours in one another’s arms. His bizarre non-interest in me was like a drug and I began relishing the time he spent making an effort with me, however little that was. I could feel myself being pulled into a toxic pool of unfulfilled promises and never ending let downs, but I was fast becoming addicted, always looking for my next hit and soon, devastated if I was deprived. On the outside I was the easy-going girlfriend but inside my heart felt as though it was being torn slowly from my chest and eventually thrown at full force against a wall. Time passed and I decided I couldn’t do it anymore.  I was scared that if I stayed with him I would lose myself completely and never quite recover. I can tell you now that I came quite close to drowning in a permanent state of heart break, simply devastated by the year of emotional torment. Our relationship had dissolved into a shamble of miscommunication driven partly by his disregard for feelings other than his own, and his inability to express that he loved me, in his own weird, twisted way.

So following this heartbreak I did what any one would do and swore off boys and relationships in general. I vowed to avoid potential hurt until I was 30, a sensible age at which I could ignore the  formalities of dating and start looking for someone who would make me truly happy. Of course as soon as you stop looking, someone stupidly perfect comes along and suddenly you’re struggling to remember why you gave up on the love game at all. The scary part is when this new boy, the perfect boy, is doing everything right and yet your stomach is tugging at you screaming “RUN AWAY!”.  When faced with this fork in the road what on earth is a girl to do? I had my reasons for deciding that boys weren’t worth my time.  But now new boy is teasing me, tempting me with what could be. As he stood in my kitchen the other morning, the sleeves of his crisp white shirt rolled up as he made me crepes he was a vision of what every girl wants. Attentive, sexy, intelligent, kind and just sarcastic enough to keep me on my toes (plus he was making me crepes… I mean come on).  And yet, this crippling sense of hesitation churns in the pit of my stomach, creeping upward into my throat every time he does something nice. Is this my gut warning me to escape before I’m in crying in bed again watching back-to-back O.C? Or is this residual scarring that will mend and fade in time? 

This cute little meme I found on Pinterest (my second addiction to trashy television) reminded me that I was once a princess, and that should be allowed to feel like one again. They do say you have to kiss many frogs before you find your prince.

xo 

two steps forward, giant tumble backward.

How is it that some people can pull on your heartstrings so successfully while others leave you flat lining on the table. I recently slept with my ex boyfriend, an amateur mistake that has ignited my addictive streak and left me pining for more. As so eloquently put by my favorite foursome the SATC girls “Sex with an ex is never good” Their reasoning? If its good, you know what your missing out on, and If its bad? You just had sex with an ex… Unfortunately, or fortunately for me (Haven’t decided yet) sex with this particular ex is never bad, a troubling fact that nudges at me making me miss him despite his crappy attitude. This particular male managed to dig a nice little hole for himself inside my soft heart and I’ve been trying unsuccessfully to evict him ever since. His lingering presence in the back of my mind sends me into a panic that I will never meet someone that makes me so infuriatingly happy again. That’s the thing about these guys, they make you so happy, until they don’t. Naturally, as a girl must, I kept my composure and flitted from his house with a level of carelessness that read, “thanks for the fun, I’m off to live my life now” when really I wanted to turn and say, “What’s a few arguments? Let’s get back together”. I’m still unsure if it was the great sex hangover or my heart talking.

Following the realisation that this adult sleepover is likely to leave me an emotional mess, I am faced with another realisation, the dismal state of my bank account. In an attempt to make a little extra cash I thought I’d sell some of the many cocktail dresses I have hanging in my wardrobe. As a clothing collector, it is only in the most dire of financial situations that I will release my death grip on garments that have been worn once, and will probably never see the light of day (or night) again. As my network of girlfriends have had the same ideas in the past, I trawled through past Facebook events to find our “Clothing Exchange” page from which I was hoping to find new owners for my fashion babies. Sadly, I couldn’t find the page that has been evidently spun off into cyber space somewhere, a frustrating reality of the internet. However, I did have the mis fortune of stumbling across all the past events that are riddled with sad memories or arguments, and fights with the Ex. My heart sunk a little…no, a lot, as I scrolled past his 21^st event, and the charity ball that was simply the beginning of the end, and just like that, confronted with the social life we used to share, my mind begins pouring over details of our relationship I have since buried deep into the depths of my emotional wardrobe, covered in other unpleasant, last season outfits I do not wish to re wear. 

Say Hello

Admittedly, it should not have taken me until 2013 to get my act together and join the rest of the world in the online blogging movement. Somehow, the pressure to deliver a constantly interesting, intelligent stream of posts was daunting enough to deter me from the blogosphere for three to many years. Now as I make my debut, I can’t confidently say that my ability to write increasingly interesting posts has changed. What has changed is my age. Three years ago, when my uni lecturers encouraged us to jump online and share our thoughts, I couldn’t figure out where my next class was let alone what I had that was worth sharing with, uh, everyone. However, today, I am in my early twenties and that my friends is a whole different ball game! In recent months, I have found that your twenties are a never ending landslide of self discoveries. That might sound deep, but i’m including in these personal epiphanies the fact that my taste  in alcohol has matured beyond the ever reliable “goon sack” and I now enjoy a drop that comes in bottle form, and should be drunk from a vessel other than a plastic cup. 

In any case, I now feel I have just enough under my belt to launch myself into the online world, beyond Facebook (yay!). If the consistency of my posts slows somewhat, it’s because i’ve decided I am in fact still a child, and have nothing of value to offer to the already jam packed planet that is the internet, but hopefully, that won’t happen… at least for a while. Since I (among millions of others) am representing the twenty something gals of the online world, I thought it was only appropriate to name the blog after one of my favorite quotes from HBO's new mega hit GIRLS. "We are obviously the ladies" is straight from the mouth of Shoshanna Shapiro, a character I have grown to adore despite finding her mind numbingly irritating in her first few appearances on screen. Shoshanna, played by  Zosia Mamet is that friend we all have in our lives that on the outside is as socially infuriating as she is daft, but a small scratch beneath the surface reveals a heart of gold. 

Happy reading. Xo